Physio, Knitting & New e-Book

Hello My-Sorely-Neglected-But-Still-So-Dear-Readers,

It has been too long since I posted. There hasn’t been anything overly exciting going on, the days just seem to have been slipping by. I have been trying to sleep more, a futile quest as I have discovered. I have still been walking, of course, and I have a backlog of pics to share, so some new S. Walks posts will be coming in the next couple of days. Beyond lying in bed most days for hours, I did start physio this week!! I am sore, exhausted and just a bit discouraged. I have noticed that I am even more lethargic when I don’t have your wonderful comments to read and encouragement to lift  my spirits… (Speaking of which, I still have eleven comments to reply to, so if you have commented and are wondering, “Hm, where is S.?” I am here, and you will get responses soon! Promise!) That being said, I only deserve comments if I write and since I have neglected to do that recently I am, as usual, my own obstacle. Why is it that at times you can be your own worst critic and the hardest challenge to overcome is your own thoughts and actions? I have started about five posts recently and then given up because the words just weren’t working. But who cares if the post is awkward, I have never claimed to be a writer at all, let alone a good one. Bah! Enough, away from excuses and onto this post…

I went to my first physio session on Monday and they are putting me through the ringer because my therapist knows just how hard I can push myself through the major progress I made in the ten months I was in physio before the surgery. My physio team knows that I would do anything they tell me… When they say do front bridges, I say how long do I hold it for, and then I hold it longer. There were times when they had to reign me in because they didn’t want me damaging the area by trying to work it too hard. My team J., my physical therapist and chiropractor, and A., my kinesiologist, have spent countless hours encouraging, teaching and motivating me. Actually there have been times when on my worse days I would wall into physio with, inexplicably and uncontrollably, tears streaming down my face.

This is the scar on my back. It is approximately eight centimeters, or three inches long.

I felt like the pain was going to make me fall to pieces, but through their sympathy and kind caring words I walked out feeling better, if not good. J. has dug me out if some major mental holes and periods of discouragement. A. has lifted my spirits more times than I can count and just recently he picked me up off the floor… Literally! I couldn’t get up!! Humour aside, he has picked me up so many times when my morale has plunged. I have spent so much time with them and the girls at the front of the desk that I consider them friends. They have been working with and pushing me for a year to strengthen and tone my muscles, and they know when I am motivated and and when I am more discouraged.

Today J. asked me if I was looking forward to being better and I realized that although I am looking forward to returning to work and normal activities, I am also very anxious and apprehensive about the amount of work involved in recovering. I don’t know if I am strong enough to push myself the way I had before the sugery. I realized that I am loathe to do the mini steps again. I have already went from 40% core strength to 110% once in the last year, and throughout the last three months I have lost so much strength I am actually weaker than when I started physio the first time. It is frustrating, disheartening and sort of overwhelming.

This time around I am finding it harder to get or stay motivated.  The first time I went through physio there was a sense that if I work hard enough I would see results, get better and not have to get surgery. Although, obviously, that never happened I still held out hope, right up until the week before surgery, that my nerve pain would resolve itself without surgical intervention.  Now I feel like I have nothing solid to work for. To get better. But what does that mean? How much better can I get? Will I get all the way better? Is this going to take six months? A year? and a half? Two?? There are still so many question marks in my future. I just want something solid, something I can rely on, I wish there was something I could set my sights on without the inevitable disappointment that comes when I don’t achieve my visions. It has been a long time since I could make plans more than a day or two in advance. Frustrating, overwhelming and disheartening.

Hmm… Oh! Guess what? I taught myself to knit!! I have been dabbling in knitting for a couple of months but since the surgery  I have been really trying to teach myself new skills.

I made a scarf for my boyfriend, a neck warmer for my mom and a kerchief for myself without patterns before the surgery and they were all… satisfactory. After the surgery I delved further into it, beyond knitting and purling, and discovered ribs and cabling. So I have made a bag for myself. I still have trouble reading complex patterns, so the bag was a figment of my imagination, but it worked! I made one side using smaller (5.5mm) needles for the pink at the bottom of the purse, the same needles with thicker grey thread for the ribbed stripe, and bigger (7.0mm) needles for the top pink part. I made a similar size piece for the back, but I  made the top pink part a bit higher to hold the stuff in, and a strap trying to cable, but failing miserably. The final piece is the bottom which is just a small grey rectangle knit in garter stitch using the thicker wool and smaller needles to make the  bottom sturdy. And then I stitched it all together… Anyways, I am sure no one really wants a play-by-play but I am rather proud of it and wanted to at least show you all a picture.

First twelve lines of my Good Morning Bath Mat!

Right now I am knitting a bath mat I found a pattern for on ravelry. Here is how much I have done. I know it doesn’t look like much yet, but it is 1/5 done and took many hours to get that far. That is the one thing I am finding kind of tedious about knitting, nothing gets done fast enough. Haha, a reoccurring theme is that patience is not my strong suit! 😛

The last thing that has been keeping my attention away from here is my new e-Book: Cerulean Sins by Laurell K. Hamilton, which is the 11 book in the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series. I had seen this series in Chapters bookstore over the years, and always sort of thought, ‘Meh, not interested in another vamp series’, but I started reading her Meredith Gentry series, who is a fairy princess, around January of this year and really enjoyed that series so I decided to give Anita a shot. I started on the Anita Blake series… gosh only a month ago and I have read eleven of the seventeen books. If you are a fan of sexy vamp novels, where the lines  between good and evil are never clear, you will enjoy Hamilton’s take on how society would change if vamps became legal citizens. Although the legalization is a passing thought in the novel series, it is instrumental in setting up the threesome between Anita, the vampire hunter, Jean-Claude, the Master Vampire of the City, and Richard, the Ulfric or king of the Werewolves in town. While there are elements of romance in this series I feel I must say that it is easy on the mushy feeling stuff, heavy on the sexy passionate bits (I envy her amazing sex life! 😛 ), and there is just enough violence and emotion to keep you interested and invested until the end. If you want to read my review of the previous Anita Blake Book, Obsidian Butterfly click here.

Oohhh… Speaking of books, I also just got the new Sookie Stackhouse novel, (HBO’s True Blood is based on this novel series) Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris that I can’t wait to dig into… However I am always disappointed that the Sookie books don’t last long enough. Or maybe I just read them too fast? Either way, a novel by Harris is only good for a day or two afternoons of enjoyment for me. Oh well, a sweet pair of afternoons it will be. I am unsure if I want to go ahead and finish the Anita Blake series or break for Sookie…. What do you guys think? Read the last six Anita books, or treat myself this weekend with the Sookie novel?

I think I am  going to wrap this up here. It is another long drawn out post, so thankyou if you have stuck through to the end with me. I guess that is why I should write more often. Shorter posts are easier to read!

Oh, by the way I have about six days of posts to catch up on, so look out for me popping up, creeping through and  commenting on some of your past posts! I look forward to catching up! 😀

As always, thanks for reading!                       -S.

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19 Comments to “Physio, Knitting & New e-Book”

  1. I love your knit bag and I’m also a huge Laurell K Hamilton fan (have a huge fictional crush on Jean Claude – where can I meet a man who flirts in French?) Those books are so fun and naughty.

    Nice to meet you!

    • Nice to meet you too! Thanks for coming by! Oh and I am soo trying to get a copy of ‘Bullet’, it is about the only Anita Blake I haven’t read, and I really wish there was a new Meridith Gentry book. If you haven’t checked out the Meridith Gentry series, you are seriously missing out on some really enticing fey men! 😛

      I look forward to prusing your blog in the near future!

      Best,
      – S.

    • P.S. I have learned an awful lot about knitting since that bag. Actually that was my first non-scarf garter stitch scarf knitted item. I still prefer to get ideas from patterns and whip up my own patterns. The bag was my first foray into non-patterned knitting! Hehe, it is actually falling apart now because I used needles that were wwaayy too big for a solid fabric. Next bag is going to be lined with fabric or I am going to use much stiffer wool. If you would like a bag, let me know. We can work out a reasonable price. (Usually I only charge for the materials because I can’t afford the quality of wool I would like to use, so when someone asks me to knit something for them, I am always so thrilled as I get to feed my fetish and use great yarns!! 😀 )

  2. YOU KNIT????? YAY! My MIL taught me (D’s mom) in December. I have a Ravelry too, friend me – mwind076. I’d love to see what all you’ve done!

  3. Love – just love the new look to your blog! Good for you!

    Hope things are going better

    Hugs
    xxx

  4. I look forward to seeing you. The kettle is on and I’m waiting. I love your comments so feel free to comment wherever you choose!!

    Love your mantra

    Hugs
    xxxxxxx

  5. So good to hear from you, S. I’ve had a house guest (age 18) since last Thursday so I’m now trying to catch up. I’ll have to keep this short but want to say that I’m really impressed that you’ve taught yourself to knit. Good job! A fun, productive distraction. In my last post, I claimed my grandchildren as my heroes. Would like you to know that you’re one, too. Keep up the good work.

    • Hi Pat,
      Thanks! I am enjoying knitting, it keeps me busy when I feel I need to rest. I am thinking about teaching myself to crochet as well, as there are some really cool patterns I would like to try. I was wondering where your posts were this week, I hope you enjoyed your house guest!
      I absolutely love that you see me as your hero, but to be honest I feel like the furthest thing from heroic! I am terrified, discouraged and unmotivated. I just want to be better, completely better, but I don’t want to go through the hell of recovery. I have so much work to do and I feel drained and tired. Hopefully I can pull out of this soon because I really do enjoy working out and physio, but I am finding it incredibly frustrating to start slow. Slower than the first time I started too. Thank you so much, you may have just given me enough oomph to go and kick physios ass today!
      I hope this note finds you well and happy, and I look forward to catching up with you!
      Best,
      xo -S.

  6. I was hoping you were enjoying — sort of — physical therapy. PT is like living on a balance board. You have to find a balance between pushing yourself, but not punishing yourself. It takes a lot of practice. And patience. You’re now a work of art in progress and like all great works of art, your work will not be complete in one day.

    Thanks for the book recommendations. I’ll have to check them out.

    Have you read J.R. Ward’s vampire series the Black Dagger Brotherhood? Her books are more considered paranormal romance. However, she does have an interesting take on vampires, their culture, society and their mortal/immortal enemy. BTW, you’ll want to read the books in order and I believe there are at least 8 of them now.

    • Hello TitaniumBabe,
      (Oh my gosh, I just got that ‘titanium’ reference!! I guess I am a little slow on the uptake! haha, We can be titanium friends! 😛 )
      I am – sort of – enjoying physio. I just find it frustrating to go in there and do practically nothing with I was working out for over an hour and a half before surgery. You are right though, it is always a work in progress and maybe I should be happy with the small successes, I am just impatient. My team is keeping a nice close eye on me because they know about this impatience and I tend to push myself to the punishing point if they let me. I absolutely love the line “You’re now a work of art in progress and like all great works of art, your work will not be complete in one day.” I am going to have to print it out and put it on my wall just to remind myself that I need to give myself a break. I can’t be better at the snap of my fingers, it is going to take a lot of hard work… Sometimes I don’t know if I am up for the challenge. I feel so tired, exhausted and discouraged. I know it will get better, it just won’t get better fast enough for me.
      I hope you enjoy the books, if you have an ereader, or don’t mind reading books from your computer, I could share some of the ebooks with you. I haven’t read the Black Dagger Brotherhood, but look forward to checking it out. I have been devouring books lately and can’t seem to keep a long enough reading list of titles I want to read because I tend to just read them in a day or two, so I really appreciate you pointing me towards this series!
      Just as a closing note, I know you said not to worry about replying to the emails, and I haven’t been stressing about it for the last couple of days, simply because I have been trying to stay relaxed and sleep as much as possible. But I have to let you know how much they touched me. I can’t even express my gratitude to you. I am so happy I found you and you are willing to talk to me. I will respond to the emails, not out of obligation, but because I really want to. I am sorry that I didn’t reply right away and I sincerely hope you don’t think I am rude, flippant or ungrateful. I have just been trying to hold myself together and sometime it is hard to do that and anything else too. Sometimes it takes all I have to hold me together, and the last couple of weeks have been like that. Anyways, I have rambled on enough, I just wanted to make sure you knew how much your time and caring has meant to me. I can’t thank you enough. I feel like we may be somewhat kindred spirits and hopefully you don’t think too badly of me.
      I hope this note finds you well, and happy!
      Best,
      xox-S.

  7. Glad you’ve returned to posting – I was getting concerned about you. As to how much better you can get – the hard answer is you won’t know until you try! Just think of those who have been told they will never walk again only to confound everyone by doing so!!

    Your determination shines through which is brilliant. Small steps kiddo, small steps. You’ll get there.

    • Hello Caroline!!
      Me too! It is a bit of a relief to finally post again. Thanks for the concern, it means a lot that someone is looking out for me.
      As to how much I can get better, I like the way you put that. I know I have to try really hard, and probably work even harder to get better. You are right about people who couldn’t walk to, what a miracle! Maybe I will have a small miracle of my own?
      Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I am determined, sometimes I forget and fall into this exhausted, lethargic state, so I really appreciate the reminder! Small steps… I think I can, I think I can!
      Thanks for everything Caroline!! (Btw, I have seven posts of yours to catch up on and am looking forward to see what you have accomplished this week!)
      I hope this note finds you well and happy!
      Best,
      xox -S.

      • We all fall into the lethargy pit from time to time. I know I do. I scream and shout at the walls and then at the LC – why does it all have to be so hard and why can’t I just give up. So having moments of lethargy is perfectly fine with me! And him btw!!

        Hugs
        C

      • Ms. Caroline,
        It has been to long, my fault. I know. That damned bottomless lethargy pit!!
        Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for the comment. As usual, you are right. I should probably give myself a break. Why is it that you are your own worse critic??
        I feel like I am stagnant not accomplishing anything, but isn’t recovering from and dealing with a major back surgery something to be proud of? Listen to me, justifying myself again. I really have to work on letting me be myself, being content with who and where I am and I need to realize that I am accomplishing something by healing. That should be my mantra and I should repeat it over and over until I believe it!
        “I am accomplishing something by healing. I am accomplishing something by healing. I am accomplishing something by healing.” LOL
        I hope this note finds you well and happy!
        Best, xoxo
        – S.

      • PS I’m afraid there are lots of posts on my blog for you to catch up on!!!
        xxx

      • 28 and counting! You will be an afternoon of blog reading enjoyment all in yourself! 😛 I look forward to a cup of tea and an afternoon together!
        xoxo Hugs!

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