News… Can News Be Ambivalent??

This post was written two or three days after a follow-up consultation with my orthopedic surgeon  on August 22, 2011.  I still am rather ambivalent about the news… Sometimes I just want to be held. I just want someone to say it is all going to get better.  Most of all I want to believeit! Read on…

Hello Everyone,

So I had an appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday. I haven’t seen him in three months. Three months ago, my fusion was coming along nicely; he put me in a physio strengthening and flexibility program and by all accounts, I should have been ready to go back to work in September. That was before this latest appointment and x-ray…

I am still in so much pain. I have improved so much in physio, doubling my core strength already, but it hasn’t helped with my nerve pain that still travels all the way to my knee. For the first few months after surgery I would notice every week or two that my nerve pain had come out of my toe or my foot, ankle ect. But it has been eight weeks with no change in the intensity or location of  the pain. No one knows if this is permanent. I don’t know what I am going to do if it is. 

Beyond the nerve pain I feel like my back is being stretched on a torture device every once in a while.  Essentially it is, as I have have been contorting my muscles in ways they aren’t meant to be. On the plus side, this pain should subside as my muscles get more and more used to their new positions and movement. But again no one knows for sure, or when.

So back to appointment with my surgeon… Dr. W. came in and asked me how I was doing, tear welled up as I told him about my continuing pain. He ordered an x-ray and when he looked at it, he grimaced as he spoke, “It looks like there is a lot of scar tissue from past surgeries.” I am puzzled by this and say, “I have only had this one surgery.” Looking abashed he indicates for me to sit while he flips through my file. And then flips through my file again. And again. Finally he says, “You have a lot of scar tissue build-up from prior injury. There isn’t that much bone growth so I want you to still be very vigilant about the way you move and the weight you carry. Tearfully I tell him that WSIB (Workman’s Comp) is pushing me back to work. Immediately he asks if I think I could handle working, I look at him and told him that with this amount of pain I couldn’t concentrate on what I have to do.  He decided that the best thing to do, since my spine was already not healing as well as he would like,  was take the stress of returning to work away for six months.  So, that is the big/ small/ predictable/ discouraging/ relieving/ frustrating/ ambivalent/ unexpected news. I still can’t return to work until March 2012, a full year after my surgery and a full two years off of work.

Ridiculous!!!

As always, thanks for reading!!                                             – S.